A Del Parson piece... it is one of my most favorite pictures of the Savior.
Heartbreak, after an entire year of infertility treatments, IVF (in-vitro fertilization) was unsuccessful. They drew my blood Monday for a pregnancy test, which was positive, but the quant HCG was very low. The nurse called and told me that while I was pregnant, it was unlikely that the pregnancy would continue. I asked Jeremy for a blessing, which like prior blessings admonished me to accept the Lord's will. I knelt at my bedside and sobbed while pleading with my Heavenly Father for a miracle. That night I started bleeding and knew it was not the Lord's will for me to have a child at this time. Wednesday's blood test confirmed. I was devestated! I thought I didn't want to even think about babies! But Tuesday night at work I took care of an 11 day old and I thought "I have got to get me one of these!" I decided it was time to quit crying and figure out what to do next and started planning our next move. I was thinking... this is the miracle I prayed for... the ability to move past the sorrow and accept the Lord's will for us. Then, today in Sacrament meeting, they had a special musical number. A sister sang, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives", I felt the spirit SO strongly and realized, Jesus Christ is my real miracle... my miracle every day. The song touched my spirit so deeply and reaffirmed my testimony. Jesus Christ lived for me, Jesus Christ died for me, and Jesus Christ lives again for me:
- He lives to bless me with his love.
- He lives to plead for me above.
- He lives to silence all my fears.
- He lives to wipe away my tears.
- He lives to calm my troubled heart.
- He lives all blessings to impart.
- He lives my mansion to prepare. He lives to bring me safely there.
The whole song. It is beautiful:
I know that my Redeemer lives.
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!
He lives, he lives, who once was dead.
He lives, my everliving Head.
He lives to bless me with his love.
He lives to plead for me above.
He lives my hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need.
He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.
He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend.
He lives and loves me to the end.
He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.
He live and grants me daily breath.
He lives, and I shall conquer death.
He lives my mansion to prepare.
He lives to bring me safely there.
He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
"I know that my Redeemer lives!"
He lives! All glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same.
Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:
"I know that my Redeemer lives!"
Thanks for makin me cry:) J/k We are truly so blessed in the gospel... I love you sis you are such a great example to me..
ReplyDeleteOh Jami....I love you!!! I always have and tbink about you quite often! This post is AMAZING! I am so sorry for the outcome BUT you have such a wonderful heart and attitude about it! I sure hope that a baby will happen for you sometime soon! I am so sure that is so HARD! ....I am sure you make a wonderful nurse and people are so lucky to have you as one! Thanks for being my friend and I hope to keep updated on you a little more now that I know you have a blog!)(I like to comment so dont mind me ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jami!
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