I KNOW that my Redeemer lives...

A Del Parson piece... it is one of my most favorite pictures of the Savior.

Heartbreak, after an entire year of infertility treatments, IVF (in-vitro fertilization) was unsuccessful.  They drew my blood Monday for a pregnancy test, which was positive, but the quant HCG was very low.  The nurse called and told me that while I was pregnant, it was unlikely that the pregnancy would continue.  I asked Jeremy for a blessing, which like prior blessings admonished me to accept the Lord's will.  I knelt at my bedside and sobbed while pleading with my Heavenly Father for a miracle.  That night I started bleeding and knew it was not the Lord's will for me to have a child at this time.  Wednesday's blood test confirmed.  I was devestated!  I thought I didn't want to even think about babies!  But Tuesday night at work I took care of an 11 day old and I thought "I have got to get me one of these!"  I decided it was time to quit crying and figure out what to do next and started planning our next move.  I was thinking... this is the miracle I prayed for... the ability to move past the sorrow and accept the Lord's will for us.  Then, today in Sacrament meeting, they had a special musical number.  A sister sang, "I Know That My Redeemer Lives", I felt the spirit SO strongly and realized, Jesus Christ is my real miracle... my miracle every day.  The song touched my spirit so deeply and reaffirmed my testimony.  Jesus Christ lived for me, Jesus Christ died for me, and Jesus Christ lives again for me:

• He lives to bless me with his love. 
• He lives to plead for me above.
• He lives to silence all my fears.
• He lives to wipe away my tears.
• He lives to calm my troubled heart. 
• He lives all blessings to impart.
• He lives my mansion to prepare.  He lives to bring me safely there.

If I never have a baby in this life, I know that my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and are mindful of me specifically.  They know me.  They know my joys, and they know my struggles and sorrows.  They can see the whole picture.  They know what is best for me.  I am so blessed to KNOW that my Redeemer lives. 

The whole song.  It is beautiful:

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

I know that my Redeemer lives. 

What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, he lives, who once was dead.

He lives, my everliving Head.

He lives to bless me with his love. 

He lives to plead for me above.

He lives my hungry soul to feed.

He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend.

He lives and loves me to the end. 

He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He live and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

He lives!  All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

The knee incident. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth... according to me.

So, Friday, the 17 of February about 1430 or so, I was in the house getting ready for work.  I could hear Jeremy ripping around the back yard on the 4-wheeler.  Then... my phone rang.  I couldn't get to it in time... it was Jeremy.  I tried to call him back, but the call got dropped.  My phone rang again.  Jeremy "babe, you gotta come help me, I'm hurt."  So being the good wife (and nurse) that I am, I leisurly walked around to the back of the house where I could see Jeremy lying on the ground.  "Babe, you gotta hurry, I'm hurt!"  What?  I didn't see any blood, and he was still talking!  So, I ran back to him where he told me his story.  He was going to park the 4-wheeler by the truck when the throttle stuck (a friend later came et looked et fixed it, the tension spring in the throttle broke).  To keep from hitting the truck he made a quick turn which caused the ATV to tip.  Well, instinct says a rolling 4-wheeler is no bueno, so he stuck out his leg to stop the 4-wheeler.  The weight et force of the ATV pushed his knee outward and he heard "a lot of popping and grinding."  So, apparantly right after the accident his leg was sticking outward, so he stood up and straightened it et then fell to the ground... where I found him.  We talked and he decided he should go to the hospital (it's true... at this point I thought he was being a weiner).  I work in the ER so asked if he was ok to just lie there while I finished getting ready (wife of the year... I know) and then I would just take him to work with me (I always threaten him about making me go to work on my day off, so he did ok).  He agreed if I hurried.  So I changed into my scrubs, didn't even put make-up on (sacrifice).  By the time I got back out there some neigbors were standing there et Jeremy had managed to stand up and lean against the truck.  He didn't think he could get around to the front seat, so insisted on riding to the ER on the tailgait of my truck (totally redneck huh? But it's only a block.).  When we got there I left him on the tailgait, went to check in et get a wheel chair.  I asked if we had any rooms open.  The day nurses said no and asked why.  I told them it was bring your husband to work day.  I told them I would just put him in the waiting room (yeah, I still thought he was being a weiner).  They told me to bring him to a trauma bay.  I assured them he would be OK in the waiting room... they insisted on the trauma bay.  So Mollie (my friend and RN) helped me get Jeremy and we brought him back where he struggled to get in a gown and on the bed.  But Mollie (or good nurse as Jeremy refers to her) hooked him up with an IV and some pain meds and Dr. Bradbury was in to evaluate et ordered x-rays (he scolded me for being mean to my husband et assured Jeremy that I was usually a very compassionate nurse).  This is what x-ray and subsequent CT scan revealed:

Okay, at this point I think it's possible he's not just being a weiner.  Dr. Bradbury told me Jeremy was going to need surgery.  After discussing it for a while, we decided to leave Vernal and try and get him in to an ortho specialist at Park City.  That was unsuccessful, so since I allready had to be at the University of Utah for our In-Vitro that week we decided to send him there (so glad he landed there!).  While waiting for a bed assignment in SLC, our bishop et Jeremy's friend Tyler came to the hospital and gave him a blessing.  What a comfort it was for both of us!  The one thing that really stands out to me was the promise that he/we would have no lasting physical or financial problems (both have been a real comfort several times through this whole ordeal!).

So, I didn't think that Jeremy needed an ambulance (neither one of us wanted to wait for one anyway).  So, we loaded Jeremy up with pain meds, then loaded him into the back seat of the truck (it's better than the tailgait) padded him with pillows, and headed for SLC.  We arrived just before MN.  It was a long night... waiting to hear about surgery, plus they cut his pain meds back significantly from what he was recieving in Vernal, so the pain was significant and uncontrolled.  Finally the next morning thanks to good nurses Sherry and Kris, pain meds got upped and Jeremy finally got some sleep.  At this point he still hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the accident... as we were still waiting to hear about surgery.  Finally we got some news.  Jeremy would go to the OR around 1930.  Here he is...

He got back to his room around midnight.  He was still pretty drugged, but you should have seen the cheesy grin that he got when Sherry, RN told him that after nearly 33 hours he could have some water... priceless!

14 1/2 inch surgical incision:

 Dr. Kubiak said it was a difficult surgery, but was pleased with how it came together.  3 plates, 12 screws, and 20 cc's of bone cement later:

Tuesday I was down eating lunch when Jeremy called panicked telling me to come to his room.  One of the reps from his insurance company had called et let him know that UofU was out of network et now that he was "medically stable" they would no longer pay for treatment at the U.  Although at this point he was drugged and unsure if they would pay for his surgery... Remeber that blessing?  This is one of the times where I am at peace and know that everything is going to be OK.  Well, the case manager from the U worked with the insurance who agreed to pay through Wednesday when they would arrange and pay for transfer to a skilled nursing facility (fancy for nursing home).  Wednesday a fellow with a super rickety stretcher that was not tall or wide enough for Jeremy (he kept looking at me like "you're really going to let them take me on this thing?) showed up et transfered Jeremy to Draper Care and Rehab.  The rig:

Jeremy spent the next week at the care center recieving physical and occupational therapy.  And, once again he had superb therapists, nurses, and CNA's.  I stayed Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night with him and then decided to come home Saturday as I was scheduled to work.  Boy was that hard to leave him there!  After one week Jeremy decided he had had enough and was discharged to home with home health.  Was sure nice for both of us to be reunited!  At this point I was on bedrest d/t the invitro... thanks a million to my mom who came and took care of both of us! 

We feel so blessed to have such amazing friends and family.  Thanks to all the doctors, nurses, therapists and aides, especially my ARMC family for taking such good care of Jeremy.  Thank you to all who came and visited, called, took care of our house and dog, brought meals, offered your time, sent flowers etc, etc.  WE ARE SO BLESSED to have each of you! 

Jeremy was unable to bend his knee for 2 weeks, but 1 month later he is up to 70 degrees (whoohooo!).  He is non weight bearing for 3 months which means it's a walker/crutches/wheelchair until May!  Overall he is doing really well and is going to try and go back to work (office job) Wednesday!